Hey, I Just Work Here

So, I happen to work in IT, that does not mean I know IT. I simply know about it. My actual technical skills are pretty limited. So funny things sometimes happen to me that are IT-related. Case in point - unwanted porn. I behave myself online. I don't go surfing around the Web - especially not on my work PC. Yesterday, I was reading through the Webmaster's mail. Someone was kind enough to share that one of the university's sites had been hijacked and provided the link. Of course, curiosity being my middle name, I had to click to see what the site had on it. There it was a snap shot of someone's twat. Logically, I yelled for my husband. I am not certain if I was trying to blame him or if I just thought he would be able to get rid of it for me. Either way, he was not around. I was at work and despite any rumors that may exist to the contrary, I cannot yell, "Honey" and have anyone respond. The site itself had some sort of active script so pop up after pop up and image after image continued to come into view. Now, I have that equipment, but I don't usually look at it. It isn't visually interesting and I was raised by New Englanders so my Puritan genes kick in full force at times like these. (Side note: traveling through Amsterdam's Red Light District with my dad was hilarious). I yell for the security officer to come to my rescue, but I don't want him to actually see what is on my screen. So, I hold my hand up - twat blocking - the entire time while he closes the window that I cannot close. Then I run spybot to remove the 70 items that the site had placed on my machine. Good times.

More Webmaster

Hello all,

My son is doing some kind of paper in one of his 6th grade classes and he chose to do his paper on

your fine school and he asked me if i could get him some pics to do with your school and the only way i could think of

was to come to your web site and see if i could down load some some how so please dont think i am trying to steal

any of your logo some how.My name is Paul %%^&%$ and my phone # is 281-###-#### and the pics are for a paper

he is doing for highlands jr. school in highlands texas.

Thank you for your time

Paul %%%%%%%

Webmaster Letter

IN RE: Mr. Tyler Russell
Quarterback, Meridian High School
Meridian, MS 39304


Coach Miles........

I am a LUST fan living in Meridian, MS We are motley Ole Miss and Miss State. Only a few LSU fans here, We take a beating every time we loose to either one of the above in any kind of sport. I watched the game last week and Ole Miss kicked our rear end that really hurt. I can feel your pain in the Quarterback slot and it really showed. The Jefferson young man did a great job the few min he got to play. This kinda stuff will put an ole boy like you in Harms way. I can help.

I played four years of Pro Ball in Monroe, La, Had to give it up when we had to move, We were 3AAA Club pllaying for The Saints. Here in Meridian we have a Quarterback who is a Senior I think. If you seem interested I'll check all this out and get you film, stats or what ever you needand get it to you ASAP. Lets don't loose him to one of the Miss Teams.

If there is anything you may need, Please contact me. I am not a kid and speak only the truth.I am 71 years young and retired.

Always with Respect


MY NAME IN ALL CAPS
MAJOR GENERAL, RET.
####@bellsouth.net
601-###-####, Home
601-###-####, Cell

Letter to Webmaster

I saw the footbal player had an injury and attached is info about a matural healer I have used as well as referred players to info n. I alos have an email address you can check for updates too. footballinjury@live.com password 777777 or sportsinjury2008@gmail.com 78787878

Letters to the Webmaster....

Dear Sir/Madam

Hello, My name is mister international

My question and request is :
how can i inquiry my BS in IT of your university.
would you please tell me how can i inform me that my BS is register in your university and check it again

regards
mister international

------------------------------------------------------
If I took one course at a college in California and it was work I beleive one credit. It was counseling 50, so it is transferable should i fill out an application as a transfer? or Freshman?
-would be tiger

Genius!

I love working with underpaid, creative geniuses. Here is a smart example of one person's efforts.

An actual note

This email was sent from an IT Analyst at a sister institution to our general IT information address:

Hi,
I got a new computer . I have outlook set up already in my computer but I don't see any of my older emails.I have important emails and I need them urgently. Please help me as soon as possible. I am in 123C --- Hall.

Thank you.

Post Script

After sufficient whining, one overpaid idiot was noticeably absent from this morning's very brief meeting with her minions. It was decided after not too many minutes, that we should meet to discuss the message once a message has been crafted. I graciously offered to attend the message crafting meeting. Ha!

I Hate Working with Overpaid Idiots

There are a few things that simply piss me off. I often write about them (see IH8 IE8)in order to vent frustrations. It is cheaper than actual therapy (so far). While, I respect my boss and the majority of my co-workers, there are just a few individuals who not only make more money than I do, but are complete idiots. They have failed upwards thanks to previous efforts by no longer employed executives. I suspect this is a fairly common problem for organizations across the board. I usually am able to settle into a semblance of blissful denial of their existence. Unfortunately, one of them inevitably decides to remind me of their existence. Case in point: yesterday I received a meeting request. Shit! So, I will be spending at least an hour biting my tongue and engaging in inane conversation for absolutely not constructive purpose. Yay, Wednesday!

This is for the True Geeks Out There

http://www.lanpartymassacre.com/lan_party_massacre_teaser.html

Letters to the Webmaster

I am starting this section for the amusement of all. These are real examples of emails sent to a university webmaster. Names have been changed to protect the ignorant. Spelling has not been corrected.

Is there any way you can remove the image of the ‘Arabic language training’ on the main PCU page? I do not care to see this every time I visit PCU’s main page.
Thank You,
Afraid of the World
---------------------
Hello,
I am interested in donating my dead body to your college for whatever you do with dead bodies. I am wondering how I go about setting this up. I am a healthy person at this time. I have only been in the hospital 2 times in my life. Once when I was a kid I went in for some tests. Then when my son was born 30 yrs ago I had him by way of c section. The first time I was there for a day and a night and then when my son was born I was home in three days. These are the only stays I have had in the hospital. I am 53 yrs old. I am a little overweight.
I dont smoke or drink or do drugs(other than a tylenol or ibruprofen ocassionally).
Please let me know what I must do to get on your program.
Thank you in advance.
yours truly, Ima Planner

Ah, Sweet Vengeance

I am not one for vengeance for vengeance's sake. But, I can appreciate when it is artfully or cleverly enacted. Case in point the play that is making its way through the IT higher ed community. It is entitled, "A Failure of Character or The Ruination of a University IT Department - A Most Lamentable Farce of Four Acts As Performed by a Company of lavishly-paid IT Executives (Each one a Worthy Tragi-Comedian)" by P.C. MacGoogle, Layoffee of this Borough. It of course chronicles the spiral of the UW IT department which magically ran up a $10M deficit and laid off 66 of its employees. As the back cover explains, "These scenes from a disaster in the making will chill the soul of every application developer, network engineer, project manager, database administrator, documentation specialist, middle manager, and software engineer who has labored under powerful but fundamentally misguided IT leadership. Read it, weep, and shudder.

Oh, Come On!

Dear Bb:
Once again, we are over. I still do not understand how you missed the press releases, and completely ignored the discussions we had over the last several months. That really is the crux our of problem - why we could not work - you just don't listen! You exist in your own little world where everything is fine and we will just keep putting all of the effort in to the relationship while you sit back and cash the checks. Those days have come to an end.
Your futile attempts to cling to our relationship are tiresome. You have called and called. We have done what you requested, explicitly telling you that yes indeed we are over. Fine, you want our break up in writing, you have it. Now walk away and let's be civil about this.
But, no. Apparently, you cannot be adult about this. You want to drag this out as long as possible. You kept our data for months then conveniently send it to us on a corrupted disk. This is ridiculous. We were willing to be civil here. Why can't you?!
Sincerely,
That School in the South

University Really Knows Best (At Least in this Instance)

B&N operates several university bookstores across the nation. A corporate entity, they want to exist on the campus without following any of the rules of the campus - as they have their own. This would be fine if we did not have evidence stating that their rules suck and their inadequacies pose a risk to our campuses. Case in point. Our campus uses PEAP authenticated secure wireless. I have every reasonable confidence in securely utilizing credit cards and check bank statements via my laptop in this environment. However, if I walk into the bookstore on campus, I am no longer assured of this level of security. How do I know if I have switched to an open, corporate wireless environment?! Do I really understand that this environment is a wide open one? So we battle the corporate offices to no avail. Only to then find out that the security of their transaction systems is made of duct tape and baling wire. B&N is implicated in the hugest corporate exposure of credit card information in the nation's history. I erroneously trusted them with my personal data. Why the hell would I trust them with the security of my network or the security of my campus community?

Fake Flash = Zombies

Adobe: Beware of fake Flash downloads by ZDNet's Ryan Naraine -- Amidst confirmed reports that malicious hackers are starting to use fake Flash Player downloads as social engineering lures for malware, Adobe has issued a call-to-arms for users to validate installers before downloading software updates. The company’s notice comes on the heels of malware attacks on Facebook, MySpace and Twitter that attempt to trick Windows users into [...]

I thought this was funny...

http://www.railsenvy.com/2007/10/3/ruby-on-rails-vs-coldfusion

No, we are not watching you..... really

Apparently a unit on campus decided to install software to record the Internet activity of its staff. As a result, charges have been filed alleging the exchange of child porn against an individual. Now, I have no sympathy for this sort of illegal activity and am downright pissed that an individual would use my school's network to view this smut. I do however take issue with the recording of Internet activity (read: mine) by departments just to do so. If there are allegations or suspicions to be tracked - that is one thing. But I don't want anyone investigating the amount of work time I spend on my blog site or twitter or Facebook and taking screen shots of the content I download. I happen to be a gifted multi-tasker. Right now I am writing this but thinking up content for my next work project. These key strokes are not to be recorded as evidence of my slacking! My mind is working on work stuff - I swear.
Part of my day has been spent assuring the public that no, we do not monitor all network activity nor are we arbitrarily taking screen shots of individual's Internet explorations. But your department may be doing so....
That said, it is only common sense that you not download or upload child porn. Furthermore, you should never engage in illegal activities on your work computer. Nor engage in legal porn activity while at work. It is not appropriate.

My Dear John Letter to Bb

Dear Bb:
It is over. When we were introduced a decade ago by a mutual friend, I thought, let's give it a chance. You know we had a complex relationship. I kept SB on the side because she fulfilled needs that you refused to. You would not touch my legacy system and made integrating my gradebook impossible. When I needed you, you were slow to respond and often cried foul, stating, "You will get that if you upgrade." The false promises and long lonely nights on the phone trying to get an answer from you are over. I found Moodle to meet all of my needs and grow with me as our relationship evolves over the years. I now receive the support of an entire community... a community that cares! Moodle knows how to reach my legacy system. Moodle takes the time to update me regularly on its changes and accepts that I too will change. We communicate in a way that you never could, Bb. I am on my way to a happy and healthy relationship. I no longer need SB as Moodle responds to my expressed desires. I am moving on and so should you. Just return my data, turn off the server, and call it a day.
Sincerely,
That School in the South

Breaking up is hard to do

As an institution, we decided not to renew our ever-increasing contract with Bb. Instead, we are migrating the entire campus to Moodle and dedicating the funds we previously spent on licenses on development and support personnel. This was not a quick decision, nor was it done in secret. The entire campus was involved in the decision to identify a single CMS and then its selection. We put out formal bids and brought in the vendors. All in all the process to make a decision took a full year. Press releases went out in October and we received a bit of attention for our decision. We then spent the next several months working to migrate off of Bb. Our techies were in contact with their techies non-stop. Our contract ended last month and we did not renew for July 1. Only then does the sales office realize that something must be wrong with our contract. They did not receive full payment!The sales guy was dumb-founded. They never knew we were breaking up. How can they survive with such a flawed corporate structure?

A Conspiracy

Now here is a conspiracy theory that makes sense to me.... and plays into my increasing hatred of MS and the ill-effects of the MS-Google wars
http://valleywag.com/5023117/is-microsoft-after-yahoos-paid+search-patent

Oh the huge manatee

As an IT professional, I concern myself with the Web interface of various institutions, including my own. I have no great feelings with regard to the present state of my institutions main Webpage. It is fine. Not fantastic. Not terrible. Just fine. That said, I deplore the state of the system's Webpage. It is very much akin to the embarrassment a kid feels when his/her mother shows up with Mom Jeans and big hair. Since I try to pretend some aspect of anonimity in this blog, I will not show you the terrible Web site. Just know it is worse than you think.
I will share with you a cool system Web site... one that I feel is an exemplar and have encouraged my system to mimic (I actually recommended that they hire this same firm, but they claim to be close to releasing a new and improved Web environment... I am so not holding my breath.) Here is the cool site (http://www.ulsystem.net/). It belongs to the University of Louisiana System and was developed by Covalent Logic.

Interesting Article on Web 2.0 and how it will impact my life

IT departments become Web 2.0 gatekeepers; 41% of execs stumped about mashups by ZDNet's Larry Dignan -- Corporate technology departments are becoming the primary gatekeepers of Web 2.0 purchases–it used to be the business types–but could use a little education on concepts like mashups. According to a report by Forrester Research, IT departments are now in control of enterprise Web 2.0 deployments and the usual cast of mashup, social networking, blogs, wikis, blogging [...]

It can always be worse....

http://blogs.zdnet.com/careers/?p=112&tag=nl.e539

I can't believe they pay me to do this....

So as part of my responsibility to communicate effectively with our user community, I am now spending part of my day officially and for work purposes on Facebook. I was already there and I had even made up a viral marketing character posing as a student. Now I have our organization's page in Facebook. I have placed my first ad and I am eager to have "fans."

I must say that I am flabbergasted by the ad policies held by Facebook. Apparently Facebook's Ad Team is the world's chief employer of English majors who specialize in grammar (as opposed to the interesting English majors like myself who love theory and lit crit). My first attempt at an ad was rejected because:
1. I used the @ symbol to represent the word "at"
2. I failed to include the mandatory "." at the end of my ad's sentence
3. Facebook did not recognize my organization's logo as relevant to the ad.

As someone who loves to creatively market, these rules suck. For instance, I could not write "get the 411 on...." as the tag line of my ad. This is not allowed as it is improper numerical usage and poor grammar. Who in Facebook, aside from the Ad Team, pays attention to grammar? It is Facebook! You know, the home of a generation of txt mesgrs. Bizarre.

LMAO

http://blip.tv/file/1015028.

IH8 IE8

So this morning I opened my IM client which is hooked to MSN. I notice in the news section that Jen and Ben may be on the outs. I gasp, and immediately attempt to open the link in IE8. No good. The page opens blank - only the top content loads. I hit on the gossip link within the mostly blank page and viola, I see the first page of gossip. I cannot navigate to the next! I was on a bloody MSN page.... you would think that would at least work right since it is part oft he same frickin company. Sigh. ih8 IE8.

A Phish Tale

So, in the IT world of Higher Education, we spend a lot of time saving people from themselves. My current favorite phish tale involves the student who responded to a phishing attempt then blamed us for letting the phish through. While we try our best to prevent spam, spam exists and flourishes. The part of the story that is of real interest has to do with this specific phish experience. The student in question received an email allegedly from a local bank. The email suggested that he enter a contest they were having for their clients. He does not do his banking at this bank. The bank's URL had an extraneous "q" in its name and was clearly in China. Again this is a regional bank we are talking about. The contest required that he enter the following information (which he readily provided): name, dob, SSN, address, mother's maiden name, checking account number, routing number, account password, ATM number, pin number, credit card number, and credit card security code. But, it was our fault he entered this protected information. He should never have been put in such a predicament.
Part of my job involves trying to educate the college masses about safe computer practices. We had an entire campaign focused on phishing attempts and the free credit monitoring service we offer our students and employees. So, now I am beginning a new campaign.
I decided to embrace the innate sense of the ridiculous that I feel about having to spread common sense. We are doing retro 50s hygiene parodies. These will be for everything from avoiding phishing attempts to warnings against illegal file sharing. I am pretty excited. I like having these ah-ha creative moments and then having talented designer types make my vision a reality. It feels good. Even if at the end of the day some idiot is still going to do something stupid.

I Hate IE8

We have been warned by Microsoft that is on its way. Not sure why we are being warned when really IE8 simply needs to be fixed.... or rather unfixed. Sites that we count on or will count on shortly rely on having functional browsers. IE8 simply is not functional. I cannot even write this blog in it!
I think we are seeing the greed of Microsoft once again rear its ugly head. We the user community are victims of the battle for IT dominance. We see it with the ongoing battle between Apple and MS, and now we are seeing it with Google. IE8 does not work with Google Apps. Surprise, surprise! As Microsoft and Google duke it out for university email and applications services, the campus communities are the ones to suffer. As we recently chose Google for our outsourcing of student mail, we will now have to tell our future IE8 users that they will not have the full functionality and they will have to select "basic HTML" in order to access their Gmail. It is ridiculous!
I prefer Mozilla for my normal Web surfing and blogging. I have to use IE in order to access my work's Exchange email.
Having to maintain several different methods of accessing the Internet gets really old. Sure I have the plug in that lets me switch within one window. But come on!
As a communications professional who works on the Web, I hate having to troubleshoot a single site or feature in all of the various browsers, but I especially hate the ways in which IE is always the one that causes my programmers grief. I want a single, uniform Internet experience and true interoperability. Microsoft, you piss me off.

When Vendors Attack

From time to time I hear the most outrageous tales of horror involving IT. Sometimes they are comical (okay, mostly) and other times the mind is simply boggled.
I find university relationships with vendors to be very interesting. We (the university) spend millions of dollars on products and services from vendors worldwide. Usually there are bid processes that are gone through for the at least appearance of fairness. Other times, deals are brokered for discounts while at lunch or on the golf course. In the 80s and 90s my institution had a sweetheart deal with a certain IT vendor (we'll call it The Angle Co for this tale). Needless to say all IT machines on the campus were from The Angle Co brand. Our user community really didn't like the lack of choice, especially since they could get cheaper and better services from other companies. (Wasn't really a sweetheart for us) Changes in mindset and new leadership in central IT brought competition back to our campus. The Angle Co was no longer the top company. We still used them for certain services, but not all like we had previously.
So that is the back story. I realize for many of us, it is already a horror story. Having to use only products from The Angle Co?!!!! It goes against everything I as a geek believe in. The real horror is still to come.... when the vendor attacks!
The Angle Co was approached last year (along with other vendors) to support some research and development efforts by the institution. Researchers were seeking federal money and wanted to use The Angle Co's Y machines for some mutually beneficial research. The Angle Co stated in a closed door meeting that since the university was no longer exclusively using Angle brand, they didn't want to partner with our researchers.
While The Angle Co certainly did not have to partner with us, I think this still stinks of extortion and makes me very concerned for IT choices on campuses. Let's say (hypothetically) that Professor X is a big deal at his (state funded) institution and in the state. If Professor X is told that he cannot have his machine because some lowly tech guy wanted to purchase machines from other vendors, what are the potential ramifications? The institution cannot afford to anger Prof X. Very bad publicity especially during a time when we are looking for state funding. Headline would read that we cost the institution millions of dollars in research funding (because of the lost grant and potential savings in the technology). How insane is that? While this hasn't (thankfully ) happened here... what about the next institution? How can we stop companies from pressuring administration and IT folks from making these sorts of forced purchase decisions?

IT Strategic Planning: Top 10 List

As someone who has successfully led a university's IT strategic planning process, I have come up with my Top 10 recommendations for other brave souls about to undertake this fun.

1. IT does not exist in a vacuum. Make sure you involve the community of users in the process.
2. Address SWOT before the process. Get it out of the way so that you can discuss progress as opposed to reliving all of the many reason you "can't" do something.
3. Avoid getting hung up on the technology itself. What do you want on the macro level?
4. Respect the mission, values, and strategic plan of the institution
5. Be clear about implementation from the beginning.... that will be the continuing process after the plan is developed.
6. Don't drag the process on. People hate going to meetings and working on lengthy projects. Just get what you need and then release them back to the wild.
7. Reality check.... are you planning things that are feasible and realistic?
8. Market both the process and the plan in order to get buy-in and backers
9. Bring in the naysayers early on. No one will more strongly support a plan than the converted.
10. Keep the process and open and the community informed throughout.....